"I used to think time was a thief. But you give before you take. Time is a gift. Every minute. Every Second."
- Alice Kingsliegh from Alice through the Looking Glass.
This quote really resonated with me the other day when watching the film for the second time (the first time thinking I was perfectly healthy and had decades left in my life). It made me really think about my appreciation of the time I have and the people and opportunities I have or have had in my life.
About a month ago I took another blow to my already "not great" diagnosis. My treatment plan is out the window and lots of question marks started flying around my medical teams. What did I do in response to this news? Insisted we had dinner by the waterfront and the next morning I went to the beach. Sitting on the beach I was happy. Not a feeling many people might expect me to feel the day after that news but I felt so fortunate to be able to take myself to the beach, feel the sun shining down to warm my skin and look out at one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen in the world. Not everyone even has that fortune in their life and for that I felt grateful.
This wasn't the only gift I gave myself that day; I decided to go for a walk. A body that theoretically is failing at it's job (although I prefer to view it as a perfectly healthy body with some imposters) was rewarded with exercise because it makes me feel good. As I walked up the hill I spotted a pohutakawa in bloom and stopped in my tracks to appreciate it's beauty. I probably looked completely insane to anyone around, some crazy, bald girl staring in awe at a tree. But in that moment my body felt full of happiness - a happiness I wouldn't have been rewarded with if I hadn't got myself out of bed to carry on with my life.
These are just the some of the beauties I am fortunate to have in my life. I think about my baby nephew dribbling on me when I'm holding him. My caring sister-in-law apologises and rushes to wipe it up but I simply think how lucky I am to have this little man in my life and to get to be a part of his, for however long that ends up being.
In response to the question, "How are you?", my mother often used to reply "I got up this morning and my feet touched the ground". It's something I have taken on board during this time. Nothing could be truer than feeling grateful for waking up and getting to enjoy even the most simple things in life, a nudge from one of my dogs, the beauty of a spiderweb so carefully crafted, the scent of a rose in full bloom, the sound of a tui's call as I sit here and write this...
This diagnosis, though one I would prefer not to have and one I would never wish on anyone, has made me truly realise all the beautiful people and moments I have in my life and has given me inspiration to try to share as much positivity as possible throughout the world while I'm still in it.
Love every moment you have - It's a gift. Every minute. Every second.